Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Love + Love

Life, indeed, has its surprises. Love, indeed, got me tongue-tied...

Because how do you actually talk about the person you love? It's always been a pressing issue for me since there's so much to tell, and I know for sure that one post is not going to suffice.

Today, though, I abandon the hesitation and let the emotions fall where they may. I really want to write this down now, and I was just making an excuse when I said it is hard even when the struggle is real.

I am nervous and excited all at once as I begin with this.

I have embarked on a new life adventure, a journey which began its course the day I met him, and I'm talking about fireworks going off every moment we're together since then.

Everything started out with qualms. I am a coward, and stuff with no certainty scare me. I took a leap of faith, nonetheless. Thanks to him for giving me the push I needed when I needed it. Had I said no, I wouldn't have been where I am right now or would’ve delayed what would later lead me to this life-changing crossroad.

That’s the first of many things so special about him – his ability to push me on so many levels. To be braver. To be better. To be rational. To be open. He can make me see reason in ways other people can’t because that’s just how he is with me. He’s never scared of telling me the things I do wrong and right. He addresses them so casually that I get stunned myself because oftentimes I just don’t see things the way he does. He puts things in perspective for me. And because of this, I get to work my way around things better. He allows me to come out of my system and open myself up to him because that’s why he’s here for me in the first place – to be my truth.

In my eyes, he is perfect. I see no blemish in the person that is him. His bespectacled eyes are more of a smart feature than a reminder that he sees less clearly because behind those frames hide the smarts I so adore, smarts that can perceive so widely even I myself get surprised at how far they can fathom. His countless moles, I’ve never had this much affection for those pointless dots on anyone before – so much for a distracting nonsense on anyone’s body – until I saw his, love at first sight. But if anyone would ask me what I love the most about his face, I would unblinkingly say that his scars left by premature acne are hands down the best thing about his face. They are imperfectly perfect. I wouldn’t want it any other way. Too smooth and they would’ve made him look less manly than he should. I find calmness in caressing those rough spots, stroking them lovingly. I would see him, and it’s the first thing I would do. I can do it forever for as long it’s his face I’m feeling.

It’s really just the most mundane of things that makes me fall deeper. It’s experiencing his love as manifested by the normal, everyday things he does to and for me. It’s in the things we are most compatible and most opposite with. It’s when his voice cracks in the middle of our conversation. It’s when we laughcry so hard at the stupidest things that we can already see each other’s throats peeking out. It’s how he delights me with all his obsessive compulsion with even the tiniest things. It’s when he would just helplessly surrender to what I want because he knows I will always have my way. It’s seeing how much of a mama’s boy he is. It's basking in his smell so good. It’s when the smallest things I do make him happy. It’s because his aura gives other people the impression that he is this serious and mysterious guy when the truth is he’s just the contrary. It’s when he tries things he’s not used to just for me. It’s how he gently slaps my mouth when I curse. It’s when he compliments my look. It’s when he kisses me on the forehead and gives me one of those really tight hugs which I love the most. It’s when he shows me off to his family. It’s in the way he does all those gentlemanly things to me even when he knows he doesn’t have to baby me always. Then he will go on by telling me why I am worthy of such treatment. It’s when he gives me the grownup talk when I need it most, even when I am reluctant to hear it. It’s when he comes undone to me. It’s when he lets me cry my way out of a problem I caused us and loses his anger the moment he sees my puffy eyes. Aw. It’s when he talks about our future so casually but in that tone of absolute certainty, like he’s that sure of us already. Aaaah, those and everything in between.

When I look at him, stolen glances (because I just really want to savor every bit of him) and intentional stares (which I do to send gestural messages) alike, I can’t help but smile that smile of utter happiness and absolute thankfulness. There are moments, and I mean a lot of those, when, just by looking at him, I experience euphoria. And every time, I mutter a silent prayer/wish for forever. I always get these happy jitters all over me when I realize how much happiness he has brought in my life which I initially thought was already the most I could ever have. I guess there is more, so much more to this romance. I understand now why people go so crazy about this entire love thing.

We are still in the honeymooning phase of the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and I am already daydreaming about all the many other things we can try out together, life stories and lessons we can both learn from, habits we will learn to let go and embrace as we go on with this journey, words of wisdom we will live by together and share with each other, and relationship goals we will equally work on to fulfill. I hope to God we don't lose our spark, energy and youth. I guess we’ll never lose this piqued interest, as we plan to keep it this way forever.

Beyond the daydreaming, though, lie more concrete dreams I seek to fulfill, and it feels good to know that I am finally putting my future into consideration. I used to be the type who would just take whatever life throws my way. But now, because I am not only thinking of myself anymore but us, it has become exciting to consider what life ahead holds for us. Future plans become appealing and interesting. Since him, I have dared to become the best person I can be, for his sake and mine. It is easier because he is the positive energy that influences me to do just that. It feels good to know that because I care for him and our relationship so much, I make the effort to strengthen what we have to make things work and last, feels really good to exert effort not because I'm being forced to but because I want to.

I’m happy with the way things are right now and where they are headed. He’s presently my boyfriend, but he’s leisurely turning into the bestest best friend. They say best relationships start with friendship; I say we’ll see what it’s like the other way around.

For you, my love.

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