Monday, May 19, 2014

My Momma, My Queen

I don’t actually know where to begin or whether I could even say enough. It is always hardest for me to write and talk about the people closest to my heart. They are too sacred, too close I feel like there’s no way I could give justice to their true role in my life. Words are just not enough. Never. This is why I barely write something about my family – because I know my writing will never suffice, because they are the people who will constantly and continuously impart something somehow. There’s no way I could catch up.

That being said, I still want to try. For my momma.

Because she deserves all the admiration more than anyone else.

And since I can’t point out every element of what makes her the best mother I could ever have, I decide to focus on the most important things that I am so grateful for about her instead – the things that I always, always take advantage of.

I’m a brat when it comes to her. I bitch around because I’m assured she wouldn’t loathe me deeply or give up on me easily. And when I do, she just stands by and watches. Or she nags.

She nags because I give her all the reasons to. She needs to air things out, or she’ll lose her mind. I shout; she shouts. In a way, I have grown to love and hate her high-pitch screaming voice.Truth be told, I sometimes miss it when I go away.

Then when we reach that point where we give each other the silent treatment, I stay the stubborn kid because I know she will be the first to give in.

With her, I give less and get more. I’m too selfish.

She gets less, and she doesn't complain. I’m ashamed at how I’m sometimes, or often, better with other people than with her despite everything she’s done.

I appreciate less – I don’t say I love you, no thank you. She understands. I was just not raised in that kind of environment. I was never cheesy, never mushy. And she was just used in that kind of reaction and treatment from her sons and daughter.

She is the proudest fan I have. Whoever she meets, she introduces and talks about me like I am the world's greatest daughter.

She finds ways to make ends meet. Even if it means losing her pride. How so selfless.

In the end, she forgives. Even when I don’t deserve it. Even when I don’t ask for it.

And she loves me unconditionally.
Seriously, how many moms enjoy the same bands their daughters do? How many 46-year-old mommas would stay awake 'til the wee hours just to actually watch a gig with (and not just chaperone) their 12-year-old kid? That would always be one of the fondest memories I would treasure forever. I have the coolest mommy! You gotta hand it to her! 
Nothing can ever amount to a mother's love in this world.

Belated Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there!


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